Are you the parent who needs to understand if your child is affected by the way you raise them? Raising a child is an immaculate journey and you might wonder from time to time if you are doing the best for your child. Maybe fostering a positive child-parent connection is all about open communication or a supportive system. Understand yourself as a parent and also how your parenting style affects your child in their cognitive, biological and socio-emotional domains. At the same time, also have a reflection on yourself as a parent and ensure to give what’s best for your child.
Parenting is the way of raising a child from infancy through adulthood. It becomes important for the parents to construct an ideal environment for the child to grow in to ensure they develop into independent and responsible individuals. Some of the markers of a parent include guiding and supporting their child, fostering a healthy environment, providing love and care, allowing the child to develop their own identity and many more. When it comes to Parenting, another important aspect of it is the style the parents incorporate to give care to their child. The understanding of the different styles of Parenting was pioneered by Diana Baumrind, a psychologist in the 1960s, who identified three main styles of Parenting- Authoritarian, Authoritative and Permissive. Here we understand the aspects of the Authoritarian Parenting Style and its effect on the child.
The authoritarian Parenting Style is often described as dictatorial and overbearing. The characteristics of authoritarian parenting include high demandingness from the child and low responsiveness towards the child. This, in simple terms, means that the parents’ demands on their children are higher than the response they give them. Features of this parenting style also include:
- strict rules made for their children to be obligated to follow
- detrimental punishments if these rules are violated
- expectation from their children to follow everything they say without any questions being asked
- punishments often used to ensure obedience from the child
- affection is rarely given to the child
The verbatim most commonly used in authoritarian parenting are as follows:
“Because I said so”
“There will be bad consequences if you don’t do this”
“You have to do as I say”
“You’re not allowed to do this”
Tiger Parenting
When it comes to understanding about Authoritarian Parenting Style, Tiger Parenting also is an interesting form of parenting that falls under authoritarian parenting style. It is typified with the highest degree of authority attained by the parents of their children with respect to academic discipline, success and achievements. Tiger parents set high expectations on their children and push them to excel in academics and extracurricular activities. This form of parenting is predominantly found in Southeast Asian countries like Japan, South Korea, China, India and many more. However, it is also important to note that parenting styles may vary within cultures and families.
Effects of authoritarian parenting on the Child
While we understand that the characteristics of authoritarian parenting style are strict, controlling, demanding and unexplaining, we also need to infer the effect of these characteristics on the children
Self Esteem
Considering the controlling nature of authoritarians, children raised by them may turn out to be low in their self-esteem. They may possibly feel like their worth is only distinguished by their ability to follow rules their parents set. Following this, they lose their ability to make their own decisions and may make poor judgement for themselves. Furthermore, the unexplaining nature can also chip away their need to be independent and lead to low self-esteem as well.
Rebellion or Dependence
The lack of open communication and controlling behaviour may lead the children to rebel against their parents, teachers, or even society. The reasoning behind the same would be the children taking control of their life which they did not receive before. On the other hand, being controlled by their parents, the children lose their ability to make their own decisions even as adults and depend on their parents entirely even for a small decision of their lives. The inference made behind the same would be the lack of courage to change and being used to the routine of being controlled by their parents.
Anxiety and Depression
The prevalence of anxiety and depression due to strict parents and controlling nature they devise is high in clinical settings especially with respect to the teenage population. The constant fear to conform and fear of punishment can lead to significant amounts of distress and can possibly manifest as anxiety and depression. Elements of depression like lethargy, stress, lack of motivation and many more may be a result of always being told to behave a certain way. Hence, it is important to reflect and understand the consequences of actions parents may make on their children.
Here is an example of a representation of authoritarian parenting style:
Sarah is excited to tell her parents about the school trip planned for the year. She has rehearsed the way she’s going to tell them about it. Shr rehearses 10-15 times, the same thing “Muma, Papa can I please go on this school trip? My friends are asking me to come this time and it will be a lot of fun. It’s only a day trip to the falls, so I will be back home early and take care of the household chores”. She rehearses many times, over and over again from school to back home. She thinks to herself, “This time, I have a feeling they might allow”.
Sarah reaches home and sees that her mother has a frown on her face. She thinks it’s not the right time to ask her about the trip. She waits for the night. At the dinner table, Sarah expressed to her parents that she wanted to go on the trip. But, her mother started off with a “I won’t allow you to go because you have your chores to do every single day”, Sarah retaliated saying she promises to complete her chores once she comes back home in the evening. Her parents begin to say, “You’re not allowed to go”, Sarah is extremely sad, she begins crying and asks “Why”, they say together “Because I said so!”
This becomes an important example to consider the wariness Sarah always feels around her parents and the controlling nature they exude. Modifying the behaviour becomes important at this stage to foster healthy development in the child.
Modifications you can make
Reflect
The most growth you can make as parents is to reflect on the kind of methods you use to parent your child. Sometimes, due to uncertainties and several factors, you may lose track of the consequences of the words you instil on your child. As human beings, we are all bound to be exposed to these unpleasant situations. However, reflecting on your actions and rectifying them accordingly may give a positive approach to parenting your children and make them understand that you have faults as well. Resorting to extremities and infusing force onto children may not be the best way to address any discrepancies. Therefore, reflecting on your actions may be the hugest first step towards bettering the relationship with your child.
Revise
Revise the kind or words or actions you use on your children. Revising refers to looking over something again carefully in order to make corrections, improvements or changes. As parents, revision of the action performed on your children may be impactful in several ways. One would be the insight into your own thoughts and feelings before performing an action that could have detrimental consequences or even understanding your own intention behind the decision to take the particular action or words. This helps you to introspect into your own self and understand several reasons behind the way you behave and modify accordingly.
Reduce
It has been noted that discipline should be encouraged for children but discipline shouldn’t be enforced. It is good to have rules and regulations but detrimental consequences of violation of the rules cause a decline in the relationship between you and your children. While considering your own way of discipline, you also need to understand your child’s way of learning. They might need an approach that works best for them rather than what you think works better. Reducing the extremities you can enforce upon them and understanding their needs and working through them accordingly will help you to foster a greater bond with your child.
In conclusion, being subjected to Authoritarian parenting style can be quite taxing and may lead to learned helplessness. It is our duty as adults, to provide a safe environment for our kids. Strict rules, low responsiveness, and harsh punishments can lead to low self-esteem, rebellion, and anxiety in children.Reflecting on your parenting style, revising your approach, and reducing reliance on harsh discipline can help create a more positive and supportive environment for your child’s development.