Do you ever wonder about your child’s emotions? How do they develop these emotions? What leads them to show their emotions the way they do? Why do they cry before they speak? And many more. Emotions are the essence of being a human. Emotions are primarily happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, etc.
Children develop their emotions gradually through social situations and their own individualistic way. The first form of communication by children is through crying. Along with the way they communicate, it is also one of the first ways of expressing emotions. As children grow, their emotional expression becomes more nuanced, incorporating facial expressions, body language, and eventually, verbal communication. Observing and interacting with caregivers and peers play a crucial role in this development, as children learn to interpret and mimic the emotional cues they see. This process helps them to understand and manage their own emotions, as well as to empathize with others, leading to their overall social and emotional growth.
Stages of emotional development
Social smile
Social smile is a significant stage in emotional development which occurs between 6 to 8 weeks of an infant. It represents communication, emotional interactions of the child with the parent and their bond. Further, you might have also observed your child react in a similar way when you talk to them in a high tone and interact with them through laughter and affection. A normal variation also occurs with respect to social smile and may happen at an earlier or later stage.
Attachment
From 6 to 12 months of the child’s development, they slowly develop an attachment to their primary caregiver, wherein most cases it’s the mother. For example, your child might cry and feel distressed in your absence and stop crying on your return. This is a major milestone in the emotional development of children. This paves the way for their style of attachment to be developed as well which forms a baseline for their relationships with people.
Social referencing
It develops alongside attachment at around 8 to 12 months of age. Social referencing involves the child’s actions to navigate with unfamiliar and unexpected situations with emotional support from the caregiver or a trusted person. For example, your child on receiving a new unfamiliar toy, looks at you for a nod or a smile of approval to use it. This shows they have developed a trusting relationship with you and is using social referencing as an emotional response.
Theory of mind
Theory of mind is a concept that states that children develop the ability to understand the perspectives of others’. In short, children progress to “putting themselves in other shoes”. For example, you are playing with your child and you get a phone call in between, but once you come back, you realise that the toy you are playing with disappeared. And you ask your child “Where is the toy?”, the child replies to you saying, “You think the toy is on the bed (where it originally was), but I have kept it behind the tv”. This shows that the child understands your perspective that you still think the toy is on the bed, which is a clear indication of development of theory of mind.
Emotion regulation
Emotion regulation are strategies and techniques used to modify and understand your emotions in accordance with the environment. It is a continuous stage of development for the child and stays through adulthood. It is crucial for the parents to be the mode through which the children learn emotional regulation.
Tips to enhance your child’s emotional development
Expression of emotions
Encourage expression of emotions to your child so they understand that it’s a healthy way to communicate what they’re feeling and express it in a healthy way. Sudden outbursts of emotions at extremes are unhelpful and often lead up to emotional dysregulation. At the same time, make sure your child does not hold in their emotions and mask it. At a young age, this might become a repetitive behaviour leading up to lack of understanding of their own emotions. For example, if your child falls down and gets us, don’t say statements like “It’s just a small hurt, don’t cry” or “Cry, Cry fast”. An ideal statement to say in this situation is “Oh no, you got hurt, it’s okay to cry about it, I hope you understand that” would make them feel more secure and interpret that they can cry but at the same time they don’t have to. And more than anything, that they have you on their side, always!
Modeling
Parents are always the first teachers of their children. You might also observe your children imitate you from time to time and also act like you often. Hence, it is always important for the parents to be mindful of their actions in front of their children. When talking about modeling emotions, the most vital thing is emotional regulation. While demonstrating regulation of emotions by the parents, the children are enabled to develop the healthiest form of control of their emotions appropriate to a particular situation. Emotional regulation can be demonstrated by the parents in several aspects. For example, in instances of stress, frustration and joy, your expressions of the same would be you modeling emotional regulation to your child. You might be stressed at work and you come back home sad, frustrated and tired and don’t play with your child and displace your emotions at them. The next day you may witness your child behaving the same way towards their dolls and you might feel ashamed for the way you behaved. This is a small instance where children model parents’ behaviour and gives an insight into their want to resemble their caregivers.
Teach Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It involves recognising someone else’s emotional state, putting oneself in their shoes and responding with care and compassion. Teaching empathy to your child is one of the most universal and valuable forms of emotional development you can provide. For example, helping the poor is one of the values you can teach your child and one day they would voluntarily want to help any homeless person they see on the streets. This shows that you have succeeded in teaching your children empathy. And this is one of the most vital forms of emotional development you can teach them.
Be a good support system
You are your child’s immense support system. Your child learns, stays, grows and with you beside them. Therefore, acknowledging this fact that you’re the best support system they can get is crucial. They might confide in you with their concerns, they might even share and express their feelings effectively, and also require a safe support system from you as well. For example, your child went to school and sees that his/her classmates have done a better job at their homework than him/herself. They come home distressed and pour out their heart to you about how they feel. Now, as a good support system, you will have to actively listen to their concern; Empathise accordingly; Say soothing statements like “I understand it’s so frustrating”, “Your feelings are valid”, “It’s okay to feel upset”, “I’m here for you” and many more. This helps your child understand that you are there for them and that you empathize with how they might be feeling.
Understanding and nurturing your child’s emotional development is a rewarding journey that massively shapes their future. By recognizing and grasping the stages of emotional development, you lay a strong baseline for their emotional intelligence. Encouraging expression, modeling appropriate emotional responses, and being a reliable support system are pivotal strategies. These actions not only help your child navigate their own emotions but they also help foster healthy relationships. As parents, your proactive involvement and empathy teach invaluable lessons, ensuring your child grows into a well-rounded, emotionally intelligent individual.